after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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