porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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