You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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