if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize