I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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