can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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