I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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