I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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