I'm so fucking centered right now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
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So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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