How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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