I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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