I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize