people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize