Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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