Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I party with great urgency now.
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