My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize