I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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