I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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