Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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