That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize