i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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