just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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