Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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