I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
do nipples grow back?
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