remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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