Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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