yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
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to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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