just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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