Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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