he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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