My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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