she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize