I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hippo gnu deer
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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