just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize