i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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