Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize