Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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