okay pat passed out under dana's car
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That was before I lit my hair on fire
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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