Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize