I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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