i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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