Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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