As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize