after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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