so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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