I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
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Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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