he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize