I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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