Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
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