Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize